Unfortunately, it has come time to part ways with our cantankerous dinosaur helpers. These colorful parrots are excellent helpers in many ways, but there were some downsides that have just become untenable. While they are quite adept with their beaks and talons, those same beaks and talons have a tendency to damage the items they are picking. If you received a jar or clothing item that looks like it was gnawed upon, or has small holes, well there you go. Additionally, there was a serious problem with communication. Not only would these gabby little flyboys chat with each other ALL DAY LONG, but they also were not very cooperative in their communications. It's challenging to have a conversation with someone that repeats the same two phrases over and over and over. We get it, Ralph, you said 'hello' like 13 times already! Given these issues, we just felt it was time to let these colorful little buggers go on about their business.

However, we are not deterred in our search for the perfect animal helper! We examined what infrastructure and supplies we had on hand after the parrots flew the coop, spoke with knowledgeable animal lovers, and found the next best thing right under our noses. Squirrels! Yes, we hired on a scurry of squirrels. Our perches and seed for the parrots work perfectly for these fluffy little guys. We will have to add some acorns and other nuts into the mix, but these squirrels are fast, agile, and have tiny little dexterous hands, perfect for handling orders and items. Plus, their cheeks are expandable, so they can 'carry' a number of items before needing to return to the picking bin to deposit the items. So efficient! Although they have just started, and things look good so far, we are investigating claims of acorns being inserted into orders for safe-keeping, and reports of some napping occurring in cuddly little nests in various clothing boxes. We will see how it goes.

April 2019 - Sadly, the time has come to part ways with our crew of Octopus helpers. The salt water was wreaking havoc with our shelving units, and we were getting a few complaints about ink on the white clothing. Fortunately, the octopuses have all been good sports and are gracefully moving on to new careers, like designing Escape Rooms in LA and San Francisco, better tamper-proof lids, and marketing their ink to the printing industry, as it is better on paper than fabric.

The good news is that we have drained our warehouse to welcome a feathered flock of new helpers starting in April, a gabby group of colorful cantankerous dinosaurs, AKA Parrots! If you are unaware of it, too many pet parrots in this country have ended up in rescues or homeless. We thought we'd offer them employment to engage their minds and many accepted with open wings!

These avian geniuses can talk, fly, and use both their feet as well as their beaks for picking your orders. They also have a great eye for color and are quick to holler if anything doesn't look quite right. Although the cacophony has caused some to need ear protection, and we had to add perches, we don't need to buy ladders, we can offer a new shade of green and white marbling paint, and they've even offered to fill in for customer support personnel who are sick or on vacation, though we worry it might get a bit repetitious for our customers. We are also doing some experimental profit sharing with them, marketing their excess guano to the local nursery and their molted feathers for our embellishment and felting customers. We are hoping for a lasting relationship with our new dinosaurian descendants, so let us know how they are doing with your orders.

During the difficult times with our somewhat pugilistic friends from down under, we recognized that a new breed of assistant might be needed pretty soon so we hopped right on it and started planning. We needed something very intelligent and generally easy to train, that could pick orders quickly, that understands colors and patterns, and inks, and that's when it hit us; Octopuses! (yeah, we thought it was Octopi too, but it's not)

It took some creative engineering, but we managed to fill our warehouse floor with salt water so the Octs can swim about from aisle to aisle towing their picking bin along, then they just climb up the racks and pick. And boy howdy, can they pick quickly! Eight arms that can move and problem solve almost autonomously means nearly quadruple the picking speed! Not to mention, due to their malleable nature (Octopuses have no rigid body parts other than their beaks, so they can squeeze through the tiniest of spaces) we were able to narrow down the aisle widths and fit more product on the floor. Wins all around! Plus, they are masters of color and pattern. Instinctively, Octopuses can change their skin color and texture dynamically to match their surroundings, so they have been a great help with color matching assistance. In fact, this has become somewhat of a problem unto itself. The octopuses are so good at camouflage we may be having an issue with break times and lunch duration. When we go looking for one of them we often can't find them. We're pretty sure they're right there and we just can't see them. Might be an issue but we will see how it goes in the coming months.

After letting the lemurs go, we needed a replacement team asap. In a tough situation, with orders piling up, we had to make a move. Luckily the 'thunder from down-under' was there to save us. Kangaroos!

They're great! no need for ladders, they can jump awfully high. Again, saves money on warehouse conversion. Plus they come pre-equipped with their own picking bin (sometimes your dyes, paints and clothing items have to share the bin with a Joey, but they just hang a little farther out of the pouch as it fills up).

We will see how it goes this next year. So far it's a little bit mixed results. While they are fast, capable and seek payment only in grasses and shrubs, there have been a few boxing matches in the aisles. We are working with the 'roos to resolve these interpersonal issues over beers and bbq, but we will have to wait and see.

After being abandoned by our quick, agile and cooperative meerkats, we set out to find the perfect animal helper. Once again we asked around and spoke with some knowledgeable animal handlers and trainers and discovered a creature we were sure would be the best yet. Lemurs.

They are relatively small, yet quick and agile. Their prehensile tails allowed us to keep most of the 'monkey-bars and rope-swing' infrastructure in place, saving us from costly conversion expense. And their thumbs! My god their tiny-opposable thumbs!

It wasn't all fun an games, however. Those lemurs have some attitude. Always strutting around self-importantly. Lazing about, singing and dancing on work time. It was a struggle.

Unfortunately, it all came to a head early in 2014 when we discovered that the lot of them were 'using'. Little did we know, lemurs have a tendency to find millipedes, bite them gently to the point where the millipede exudes a defensive chemical, and then rub the millipede all over themselves. This leads to the lemur inhaling the toxin, as they are covered in it, which produces a euphoric effect. They were getting high on the job! reference: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_lemur

So, as much as we loved the little arrogant punks, we just can not tolerate anyone being under the influence of millipede toxins while on the job, and we had to let them go.

With the resounding success of the helper monkey program, we thought 'there must be another animal group that would work, or even be better!'. We asked around, talked with some knowledgeable zoologists and found the perfect creature! Meerkats. They are very community oriented, always watching out for each other, and very cooperative. And they come in massive herds! Or groups, or whatever you call a big bunch of Meerkats.

It was really impressive watching a team of 'Kats pick, pack and ship large orders. The Meerkats themselves are rather diminutive, but similar to ants they can lift several times their own body weight with ease. They would drag a big bin into the middle of an aisle, then dozens of them would go zooming around grabbing items and running them back to the bin to be deposited in the bin with the same care they show in handling their young.

Plus, some of the more 'senior' meerkats took on the role of manager as they would stand on their hind legs watching the warehouse carefully and calling out anytime something unsafe or dangerous was spotted. Just like they do in the wild, only no hawks or snakes.

The meerkats stayed with us for a good couple years, but were lured away by the temptation of the silver screen. Apparently, they were offered a network TV show about Meerkats and their 'Manor'.

We brought on a barrel of monkeys to pick, pack and ship orders. Imagine, if you will, a warehouse full of really tall shelves being accessed by all these monkeys swinging around on the 'monkey-bars' we installed. We even put in ropes at the end of each aisle so they could 'Tarzan' from one aisle to the next. It was magnificent!

And it worked like a charm. Labor cost went WAY down, as the monkeys were only interested in being paid in bananas. We worked out a rather elaborate scheme of banana payment, so many bananas for so many orders and so on. And the benefits! Did you know the cost of Veterinary Medical Insurance is like 1/4 the cost of regular 'human' medical insurance? We were saving money hand over monkey fist. And the monkeys were so happy. Getting a chance to change their environment, work for a living, and interact with the rest of our people on a daily basis seemed to make them hoot in joy quite often. It would have brought a tear to your eye seeing them all swinging about, grooming each other, shrieking and throwing feces.

But alas, all good things must come to an end. In early 2012, one particularly intelligent monkey named Caesar got all the helpers to band together and return to Brazil. We were sorry to see them go, but it was an amazing experience and we will always have a soft spot in our hearts for our helper monkeys.